My dc has also been fear. I was inspired and proud to see my dc accomplish the very thing she was dreading.

Now we have challenged each other to go the next step: I will be facing the high ropes course at the Mall of America. 

As someone who has feared heights her entire life, including driving in the mountains, this tree house has caused me much stress. I have teased my kids that I should win a good mommy award for my support, though I have made it equally clear that I would not be going up there.

In the past months one of my children has developed a controlling fear. As part of helping the child to face it, I have agreed to face my fear. The child is now my “coach” for facing my fear of heights. Today, I spent 20 minutes with my coach in the tree house. It has taken me more than an hour, since coming down, to feel that our house is not swaying under me and to not feel sick.

In the past few years I have faced many of the fears which have controlled me. Each time I have gained greater freedom and learned to enjoy life more. I am confident, (sort of), that I will be able to overcome my fear of heights as well. (I am applying a huge dose of positive thinking here.  I am also a bit stuck as this is the most serious object lesson I have taken on with my kids

Today, I realized that healthy fear provides us with information about possible danger and risk. We then need to use our minds, the advice of others, our past experiences, and the past experiences of others to decide if it is a risk worth taking. Life is full of risk. If we never faced fear, we would be forced to sit inside and (as my fearful child said) twiddle our fingers. Though even twiddling our fingers is not without risk. Ironically as I heard on the radio earlier this morning, people who sit at computers all day without regular physical movement and activity are at a much higher risk to die early than those who move every hour or so. Interestingly they likely do not perceive the danger and therefore feel no fear.

Hopefully I will sleep well tonight, knowing I will be climbing that ladder again tomorrow and spending 25 minutes in the tree house.

LIttle girls and little boys long for their daddy to notice them, to hug them, to want them. They long for the shining love and approval that says, “You matter to me.” “I want you.” “I delight in you.” The shining love of a parent is the foundation of a child’s life. The inner freedom and beauty that is release when we are loved overcomes all trials and sets us free to blossom. When the loving light is hidden, removed, or restricted the child within withers.

In this fallen world, few of us have been given the unconditional love of a father. (And few of us have given this love to our children.)

As an adult I still weep over the loss of my father. He never has shined on me. When I knew him he was reserved, cool, watching my performance. He wanted me to become successful, in his narrow definition. When I chose a different path he said, “I no longer want to have a relationship with you.” He moved and didn’t leave his return address.

So I have been left to make believe: make believe my daddy loves me; make believe he wants me as his own; make believe he will protect me; make believe he’ll provide for me a home.

When Jesus came he said, “I and the Father are One.” He lived his life to show us the love of a father.

Through Jesus, the Father touched the lepers. Those who were untouchable – he touched. I can see his loving face shining on those who no one else would come near as he, without fear and without disgust, laid his hands upon them and made them well.

Through Jesus, the Father gathered the little children to himself, held them, blessed them, and declared them important.

Through Jesus, the Father spoke to the Samaritan woman. His shining love and freedom so startled her she asked, “Do you know who I am?” Not only did he know that she was a Samaritan, he knew her pain, her sin, and he loved her so well that she ran through the town proclaiming his name.

Through Jesus, the Father reached out his hand to the woman caught in adultery. With truth and grace, completely devoid of shame, he defended her. Extending his hand he then helped her up, shining love upon her, setting her free.

Then the unthinkable happened. He died.

In the dark hours of Golgotha the Father taught me the love of a daddy. The Son, one with the Father, walking in perfect relationship with Him through all eternity, cried out “My God, My God why have you forsaken me.”  The Father turned his face away.

Jesus knew the pain of a Father who denied Him. He knew the pain of separation that he did not deserve. I cannot imagine the pain and relational ripping in heaven as the Father turned away from His one and only Son.

Why? Why did he do it?  He did it for you and for me. In those dark hours when the Father turned his face away from Jesus, he turned to look at you and at me. He turned to call us as His own. In those dark hours the Father said, “Your daddy loves you.  I want you as my own. I will protect you. I have made for you a home.”

Now I no longer need to make believe.

http://www.khanacademy.org

Khan Academy at TED

Though it is commonly believed that we are individuals who form relationships, it would be more accurate to say we are individuals who emerge from relationships. Though Westerners like to consider themselves autonomous, in reality we are all born completely dependent. Our parents, caregivers, teachers, siblings, age mates all take part in forming who we become as adults.

Each of us is born with gifts and a unique way of understanding the world and contributing to it. Our relationships with others will either affirm us into growing into our individuality or ask us to conform to a prescribed idea of the perfect or average person.

Students who either fit the pattern or who have supportive and healthy relationships will emerge more intact than those who do not conform and/or do not have people who love them and accept them for who they truly are.

Today I attended the International Dyslexia Association Conference. A ten-year-old student came and gave a presentation about the reading comprehension strategies he was learning. Before he arrived, the lecturer listed a long list of disabilities and all the problems  he is overcoming – including bullying at school. The boy was charming and clearly brilliant. The tutor gave him the best possible education – she began by accepting him for who he is. By beginning with his interests she was able to teach him lessons about reading comprehension that he could then apply in his school work. She did not discount him, but said, “you are the next Steven Spielberg,” pointing out his gifts and talents.

Sadly, the western education system is becoming obsolete to the culture around us. Increasingly we respect diversity and understand that people are different, not only culturally but individually. Though we talk continually about educational reform, we need to be careful that we are not simply trying to treat symptoms – such as low test scores.

The current model of education was designed during the Industrial Revolution to create an educated working class and to provide jobs. Only the top 20% were expected to go to college. We created a system where students enter the factory doors at a given age and are supposed to emerge ready to be productive citizens. Not only are most of our students not emerging ready for the workforce, many of them are disillusioned because the system does not value them for who they are.

Humans are diverse. We learn in diverse ways. We have different gifts, interests and God-given talents. Increasingly, children are labeled with “disabilities” simply because they do not fit into the system. Maybe it is not the children who are broken.

It is time to begin to accept the diverse learning styles of our students, not as handicaps or disabilities, but as gifts. Let’s face it. We are not all good at everything. Some are gifted in relational skills, compassion, working with animals, sports, science, math, creative writing, technical writing, advertising, foreign languages, designing with print, designing with steel… we need them all. The current system values a narrow swath of students who fall within a narrow skill set and seek to promote those above all others. This system then alienates other talents and marginalizes the students.

Rather than respecting differences in learning styles and applying the research to our classrooms so that all children succeed, we are saving the best practices for the students who need fixing.

This is crazy. Not only does it mean we have high failure rates in our schools, we lose children’s hearts and break their spirits. We turn them into projects, and think remedial education is a way to fix them.

I challenge you to stop and look at our children today. Listen. Watch. Before you begin to fix them, find out who they are, enter relationship. Accept them and love them. Then come alongside, at a place of understanding, and offer your support in meeting the challenges to emerging into the individuals they will become.

Changing Education Paradigms – Ken Robinson

I know exactly what he means. I decided in first grade that I would go to college though no one else in my family had. I could see that education was a key to breaking out of the cycle of poverty. (I wouldn’t have used those terms.)

I believe there are many children who dream of a better life and parents who long to provide it but are stuck.

I grew up without a father in a working class family. I had big dreams and early on I was failing in school. It only took one teacher who believed in me to change my life academically. As I wrote in a previous post, my 7th grade math teacher put me on the road to college.

I believe many “good people” would have been afraid to reach out to me as a child. They would have seen the neglect and problems at home and thought, “Even the best school cannot reverse this. She is lost.”  I am thankful that someone saw through that. Inside a light of hope was flickering. All that was needed was someone to fan it into flame. Schools can make a difference. They do not need to solve all the child’s problems at home. Schools cannot. Schools can provide hope and a vision by lifting them into the world of education.